A few minutes after the guided meditation I shared below (we three who were participating that evening took a few minutes to share what we had seen and learned), we undertook a shamanic journey together. My teacher was drumming for all of us and journeying herself, at the same time.

For this journey, I placed myself in a womb-like cave that was familiar to me, and I realized I didn't need my body for this journey. A portal opened up for me on the other side of the cave and I went through it, leaving my body in a place in the vestibule of this passageway. As I started walking down through the passageway, I realized I couldn't see anything... it was dark... then suddenly remembered I had my talisman with me. I took it out of my pocket and placed it on my palm. It lit up immediately with a clear, bright light. I knew no one would try to take it from me, so
I held my hand in front of me and continued walking down the passageway. At one point I said to myself kind of jokingly, "good lord, how long IS this thing?", and then two beings appeared in the passageway with me. First was a dragonfly, who paused to look at me, then immediately flew up the passageway, to "check on my body," I sensed. The other was a blond guy in a toga. As I looked at him, I realized I didn't like him at all and I wasn't going to be happy if he told me he was one of my spirit guides. Then the journey was over. My teacher advised me to write down everything I could think of about this guy in the toga and then forget about him for now--he is something for later. Ack. My lip curls up just thinking about him. I call the toga guy "Herbert" in my mind.

A few minutes later, we took one more short journey. No cave this time--it felt right for me to immediately go to the place where I'd met Dragonfly before: a wooded dell with a clear stream running through it. This place comes from my memory--I was there one summer about 30 years ago, and never again since. Herbert appeared and tried to sit down across from me--I firmly told him to go away (he did). Then Dragonfly appeared. Dragonfly and I just spent a few moments enjoying each others' presence... he, flitting and flying around, bursting into color whenever the sunlight hit his body, and me watching admiringly. At one point I held up my index finger and invited him to alight, which he did, balancing on my fingertip with all six legs and fluttering his wings a bit to stay balanced. He was smiling at me the whole time he sat on my finger, a really big, friendly smile that seemed to say he likes me as much as I like him. This smile was something I "felt," not something I "saw." He then flew away and I just sat for a few more moments, enjoying the peace and beauty of the wooded dell, and then the journey was over.

It's funny, but words seem such a flat way of describing something that was actually quite rich and nuanced... odd because I am usually pretty good with words. One thing I did notice is that time did take on a strange quality during both these journeys. I felt I was spending much longer in journey than I actually did (when compared with "ordinary reality," that is).

I wanted to know exactly what sort of dragonfly this was--after doing some research, I discovered that what I actually saw in my journey was an Ebony Jewelwing Damselfly. They are Odonates, first cousins to the "true" dragonflies, and considered the same thing for metaphysical purposes (by all references I have been able to find thus far). The scientific name for the Ebony Jewelwing is "Calopteryx Maculata," which means "Beautiful Wing." Indeed!! This one in the picture above is a male, and the one in my journey was most definitely a male--I knew that about him the moment I saw him, so finding this out about the coloring later was just confirmation. (The female Ebony Jewelwing is more of a bronze color, and has a white spot on each black wing.)

You can't tell from this picture but the damselfly's wings are actually quite lacy, delicate and translucent, even though they are black. My impression is, perhaps, that the Jewelwings are ones who are going to dance and flutter their way into the Otherworld, perhaps slipping in under the radar, rather than powering their way in as a "true" dragonfly would. Perhaps. This is something I'm sure I'll learn more about as I proceed on the path.

One of the Ebony Jewelwing's particular special qualities is its ability to "hide in plain sight." You just don't see them unless a shaft of sunlight hits them. LOL, which sounds kind of like what I'm doing right now, working in the corporate world with my "weird" (to some others) interests. I'm an admin. assistant with about 20 years experience... I've been working with engineers, architects and construction folks for a long time now. Anyway, the males of this species are the ones who have this amazing blue-green iridescent coloring... it's similar to the blues and greens in a peacock feather (there's a story there, too! that one will be next, I guess).

When the Jewelwings mate, their bodies form the shape of a heart. :-)

Things are kind of weird right now... my husband and I are separating after 8 years of marriage (9 years together). I guess I'll be having more time to post soon... perhaps at the first of the year (2008). There are lots of things I'd like to share. :-)

First things first. Before I met the dragonfly, I received a message and a talisman from Spirit during a guided meditation I was doing with my teacher, Elf, and Crowmoon (Crowmoon is a student of Elf's, just as I am... she's great!)

I was going through the meditation and while it was going well, I guess, I had to keep "revising" things... I wasn't imagining things big enough! Toward the end of the meditation we were guided to sit at a stone altar and were waiting for something to be given to us--a gift, or a message, etc. I wasn't really expecting anything, but the altar materialized a large, pale pink heart made of some kind of stone. When the heart appeared, the message was communicated to me, "you are love." I didn't quite get it at first--I repeated to the altar, "I am loved?" The altar said, "yes, you are, but the message is 'you ARE love'." Which I took to mean that I myself am an embodiment of love. Now, people who know me (and not many do know me, my Scorpio moon works to keep me pretty private, so a lot of times its an effort to let others in), know that I'm really quite a "Air" person--very much someone who depends on the intellect. Obviously, I'm being taken in another direction now, a direction where my emotions are going to play a much bigger part in who I am going forward.

It took some searching, but I was able to find exactly what the altar gave me. It's a 3" x 3" rose quartz heart. I bought one and it now resides on my altar. I use it for meditation and such.

After we all shared what we learned in the guided meditation, we decided to embark upon a Spirit (shamanic) journey. More about that next time. This stone heart actually plays a part in the journey, too!

P.S.: This is the guided meditation CD we were using:

http://www.brainsync.com/product.asp?specific=158

 

I've been studying with my new Teacher for a little over a month now, and I've learned SO MUCH. We've been meeting once a week on Thursday nights for formal teaching time, and she also has monthly get-togethers for folks within her sphere of influence. Here's what's been happening with me since my last blog posting:

 

• Been meeting some REALLY COOL new people that I can be myself around... starting to become part of a community.
• Drummed during a shamanic extraction that was done on my husband.
• Worked with stones--they really do have information to impart!
  
• Chose a new Tarot deck to start working with.
  
• Made my own pendulum for divination.
• Received a message and a talisman from Spirit during a guided meditation.
  
• Met my first Animal/Spirit guide during a shamanic journey.
• Decided to get my first tattoo. :-)

 

My teacher is hosting another of her monthly get-togethers tomorrow night... what's called a "Dumb Meal." Everyone brings a dish that was a favorite of an ancestor you want to honor, and the meal proceeds silently while you think about and honor the ancestor in your thoughts. Then, when the meal is done, everyone shares about the ancestor they chose to honor. I will be honoring my late father and making arroz con pollo--Dad's people were Puerto Rican. (I speak very little Spanish, though--the emphasis back then was on being as "American" as possible.) LOL, however, I'm the spitting image of my "anglo" mother. OTOH, my personality and intellect are exactly like how my dad's were.

I can't really say much about the shamanic extraction, as it is not my story to tell. I can say it was a fascinating introduction to the type of work a shaman does, the tools they use, how the shaman's spirit guides assist with the process, etc.

The weekly session with my teacher have been most interesting and informative. In our first session we talked a lot, getting to know each other a bit more, and she read my cards pretty thoroughly (she likes to use the Sacred Circle deck, which is a great pagan deck).

In another session, I worked with stones that my teacher has on hand from different sources. She asked me questions about them--exercises to help develop intuition. I wasn't very good at telling where a stone came from, but I was *much* better at intuiting *who* had possession of a given stone previously. With one particular stone I held, I got a mental picture of someone which turned out to be quite accurate!

In another session, the nature of the stones was signaled, somewhat, by their physical characteristics. One of the stones was actually giving off some heat, and I could feel it! While with another stone, the word "bitter" kept coming to me... that stone was housing a blizzard, in some metaphysical way. Interesting! One of my new friends was "sharing" my session last Thursday night due to a scheduling conflict with hers. My teacher had us look at a bowl of about 7-8 stones and tell her which ones she (the teacher) and her husband had carried around with them that week. I did really well with that exercise. One thing I'm finding out is that it's better for me not to "try too hard"--just relax and be open, and let the stones do the talking.

Re. the Tarot deck, I'm really ready to branch out and go beyond the "Christian" symbolism of the Universal Waite I've been using for years. I've looked at a few decks and decided to replace my UW with the "Celtic Wisdom Tarot" by Caitlin Matthews. Using this deck will take a little study, but I'm really looking forward to it. (I can't buy it 'till payday at the end of the month.) The joy and color of the artwork really speaks to me, as well as the Celtic lore and symbolism these cards embody.

I attended a pendulum building class last Saturday. It was a beautiful fall day and we worked outside. I chose a small, brecciated red jasper as the stone for my pendulum... the color is just amazing... my intuition told me that this stone would be the right choice for me. At first glance, I'd have thought "amethyst" would be very good for my pendulum, but my attention kept going back to this little red jasper stone. It was nowhere near as flashy or big as some of the other stones available. I learned later that red jasper is known as "the blood of the earth," and the stone works to key you in to the deep energies of the earth. It's a very "grounding" and protective stone. I learned how to "wrap" a stone--my jasper is wrapped with sterling silver wire and is on a white metal chain with some spiral "dangles" and another meaningful item (more about that later). There was a pretty regular breeze outside the day of the class, and because of that I was having trouble tuning my pendulum that day. I carried the pendulum around with me for a few days and tuned it two nights ago. I'm still quite amazed that I am able to use my energy to make the thing move! Once again, I'm finding it's better for me not to "try too hard"... just relax and let Spirit happen.

More about the other stuff next time... :-)

After a conversation I had with a new friend on Wednesday, I inquired of my mom trying to find out some specifics about my maternal line. My mom is a crackerjack genealogist and has lots of information about her family... unfortunately not much about my strictly maternal line. It seems my maternal great-great grandmother married someone her family didn't approve of, and thus was pretty much shunned from the family. Mom says my grandmother and great-aunt don't remember their grandmother ever talking about her own mother, only about her grandmother. Interesting! Here's what mom was able to tell me:

"I attempted a trace by going to the census records of SC over a period of time looking for Bertha (my maternal great-grandmother). I don't know her mother's maiden name. There was more interesting stuff about the Lees and the [Huguenots] in our line (Numina's note: Huguenots are French Catholics who came to America to escape Protestant persecution). You would do better information-wise and find it more interesting to study my father's lines than Bertha's. You would love Rev. Stephen B. He was a reformer, Oxford-educated, and was in constant trouble with the church. Actually, he was influential in the early beginnings of our American separation of church and state laws. His daughter T. married [a] Hussey, and the Husseys trace to every royal house in Europe. Our line coming from [Samuel, my maternal grandfather], is also quite an interesting line."

Okay, so the reason this is significant has to do with some KEY ITEMS I found in my natal chart:

Mars in Cancer: "Sometimes this position of Mars indicates difficulties and disagreements with your family. However, it is more likely that anything concerning your family, your family background and heritage inspires in you feelings of great loyalty."

Jupiter in Pisces: "As you get older, you will develop a strong spiritual awareness. Even if you do not actively believe in a particular religion, you will be concerned with an aspect of the universe that is higher than everyday material reality."

Sun in the Fourth House: "As life passes you will experience illuminating insights connecting your individuality with certain racial and family elements. Study them. You will then perhaps discover the nature of the spiritual mission which destiny requires of you."

(Astrological info. courtesy of AstroDienst.com)

I think the Universe has sent me a Teacher, directly related to addressing these items. I've been hoping for one a long time now--about 13 years, since I first left Christianity and began studying Pagan and New Age subjects on my own. You know what they say... "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

I'm really super-excited (!!) about the nature of the opportunity that has presented itself--and I am definitely not one to show that I'm super-excited about much of anything (that Scorpio moon, I guess... keeps me from wanting to appear too much as an eager beaver!). I hope everything works out so that I can receive learning from this person. I have a few local Pagan friends and acquaintances now, and many of them are smart people on excellent paths... though I wasn't feeling that any of them were in my life as "teachers," in a more formalized sense. I tend to be rather solitary in my spiritual pursuits, when it gets down to the nitty gritty. Though with this new teacher/friend, I feel the rightness--for me--of what this person can teach me all the way down to my bones.